| (no subject) |
[Sep. 8th, 2007|12:57 am] |
I hope my parents learn to trust me. I feel so insecure not knowing how to commute. I feel so low not being able to receive permission for simple stuff. It makes me feel.. ewan. irresponsible? not worth it? not trying hard enough?
I hate it. Especially now that they cannot see my efforts, only because they can't accept that other people can also be better than I am.
----I sit here wondering why I have to shoulder my problems alone. |
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| how does a feeling fade |
[Aug. 28th, 2007|11:45 pm] |
I've been wondering. How does a feeling fade away? How can you feel so strongly for one person, then you'd wake up one day and not feel anything anymore? Okay, so maybe a day is an exaggeration, but point is.. how can you feel so sure about one person, then have that feeling fade away?
I used to think of him all the time. Yes, I admit, I miss him. (like omg, I actually admitted that?!) I used to be really affected by everything he does. He used to catch my eye all the time. The simple thought of him would cause my heart to race in ways I didn't imagine it would. Every now and then, memories of us (us?! anong us?! platonic yun ah.) would resurface and cause my stomach to lurch in this uncalled for manner.. because I know I missed those moments.
But now?
Nothing. Nada. Zero.
Please inform me, why?! how?! when?!
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 26th, 2007|12:25 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | i'll catch you - the get up kids | ] |
Can you sleep as the sound hits your ears
one at a time?
An unspoken balance here,
unabridged for so many years.
That I should stare at receivers
to receive her,
isn't fair.
Don't worry, I'll catch you.
Don't worry, I'll catch you.
Don't ever worry.
Your arms in mine,
anytime,
I wouldn't trade anything.
You're still my everything.
To my surprise,
before my eyes,
you arrive.
Don't worry, I'll catch you.
Don't worry, I'll catch you.
Don't ever worry.
Still breaking old habits,
you pulled the wool over me.
Now I can see everything,
remembering jinx removing.
Don't worry, I'll catch you.
Don't worry, I'll catch you.
Don't ever worry.
No need for reminding,
you're still all that matters to me
love this song.
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| Always |
[Jan. 31st, 2007|11:44 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | all that i've got - the used | ] |
Peyton (from One Tree Hill) was right in saying that people always leave. Because they do. They always do.
I have this tendency not to get too close to people in fear of losing them. Since the very beginning, preschool to be exact, people have left me. People close and dear to me, people I've given "permission" to get close to me. AKA, friends - close friends, prolly even my best. Every year, the closest friend I make would leave the next year. Do you know how much that feeling sucks? It's like every year a piece of me is broken and trampled upon -- a memory that remains such.
I thought the cycle ended when I was in Second Year. No one left, literally. Although a few (actually just one person) drifted away and now I practically don't know know her, if you catch my drift. But now? Well, yeah. I thought no one would leave, it is afterall my junior year, our junior year, who'd have thought that people would still leave me? I guess I thought wrong, so wrong in fact that it brings up nostalgia... and I wish nothing more than to be with my friends.
Why can't people stay for a change? Am I that leavable? Haha. Well, I guess it's kind of selfish thinking this way -- but just think about it for a moment. How would you want a.. replacable best friend? You don't get to have that friendship built on rock... with memories to sturdy it.
GAAAH. life. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 23rd, 2006|09:16 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | hero/heroine - boys like girls | ] |
mabye i'm just the girl who,
keeps things to herself,
and denies the facts...
never admits them.
and if ever i do,
i only admit them to myself.
i feel like i've chewed off more than i can swallow.
now i'm regretting the facts
i thought i can do anything
and everything i put my heart to.
but now, i think otherwise.
and now i feel partially relieved from the wreight.
i'm talking to the person i least expect to do so.
and i'm grateful for that.
"the weight is a gift"
-from some album (nada surf, i think) |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 27th, 2006|09:20 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | pissed off | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | narda - kamikazee | ] |
pag kinikilig ako. nanlalamig ang kamay ko. i'm weird! sheeet. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 10th, 2006|11:23 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  lost | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | saying sorry - hawthorne heights | ] |
How can you feel so many things at one moment? It's really confusing.
Damn.
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 6th, 2006|07:32 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | aggravated | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | chasing cars - snow patrol | ] |
God. I feel like such a blabber mouth. How could I have said things I didn't even want to be let out for absolutely anyone to hear? I guess, it was because of the desire -- the need to let it all out.
But I regret it. I wish I had just kept my mouth shut as I always do -- just as the bottled-up person that I am. Weird as it may sound, these secrets keep me safe. These little secrets I keep in my effed-up mind keep me safe at night and assure me that there's still something more to life. Don't get me? Expected. I regret expressing what I felt, because in a way, nothing happened about it. It's still here, in my heart. A burden it remains. A weight I have no desire keeping. I want to get rid of this aggravating feeling.
But how could I dispose a feeling I'm uncertain of? How can you dispose something you know nothing about?
I feel messed up. Confused. I hate this frustrating feeling nagging at my heartstrings (truly, this is not a matter of love just plain confusion and aggravation.). From time to time, I wish I could just SCREAM to let this all out. It does help. Oh, yes it does. But only temporarily.
I want a permanent remedy. and I want it NOW.
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